Rant and Rave #1
At church one sunday, one of our home teachers wanted to hold Hailey, which is great. But then he starts going on and on about how his only son (now 12years old) loved to be held over the forearm. It was the only way to calm him blah blah blah. I politely told him that Hailey doesn't like that position because of her reflux. Well, apparently he now had to prove his point that of course she would like that position too. So he put her over his forearm and of course she immediately started wailing. So then he starts bouncing her assuring me that she would calm down, right then BLAT! She spit up all over his suit pants and shoes, and it wasn't a little. (Ha Ha Ha) So as he was giving her back to me he was so surprised that his position trick didn't work- his son just loved it. Again I politely said "she's not your son".
My question is this: why is it that no one listens to the mother? I spend more time than anyone with my child, but what do I know? And it wasn't just the home teacher it's at the pediatrician's office (where Chris has to come with me to every appointment so I can get some information), the grocery store, family gatherings, etc.
Rant and Rave #2
This has happened more than once or twice, and really gets me all fired up. I was at Wally World the other day with Hailey in her stroller. The check out line was really long and it was passed time for her to eat so she was getting fussy. To prevent a total breakdown I was moving the stroller back and forth. The lady behind me told me "you better not do that, or you'll spoil her". The lady across from her chimed in with "oh yeah, don't rock her." Then when I finally got up to the check out counter the cashier instead of saying hello said "you're going to spoil that baby". So all 3 ladies felt they needed to tell me all the "don't do" rules.
Here they are if you don't want to spoil your baby:
1. Don't pick up your baby unless moving her from place to place.
2. Don't tend to your baby as soon as she cries. Let her cry it out or "self soothe" before you go to her. (if you know she's hungry, don't feed her until she's lost all hope that you are going to care for her)
3. The mother should not hold the baby for more than a few minutes at a time so the baby will get used to being away from her and take to other people.
4. NEVER NEVER NEVER Rock the baby.
Here's my opinion-again just my opinion (although the NICU nurses agree with me) THAT'S THE BIGGEST LOAD OF CRAP I'VE EVER HEARD!!! Aren't those rules the exact reason that children in orphanages grow up with trust and relationship issues??!
Of course I think the mother should hold her baby- I'm the only thing that's familiar to her in this world. And as far as not caring for your child until they cry it out- how do they learn they can trust you as their caregiver. And as their caregiver shouldn't you care for the child. I have another word for that "neglect". Now I understand that I'm a new mom and don't know squat about babies, no make that I don't know diddly squat about babies, but I know when my child needs me and more importantly that I need her too. I didn't get a wonderful bonding birthing experience, and it broke my heart that she bonded to the NICU nurses first (who by the way rocked her and rocked her). I went through hell and back to have a child and I am not going to pass any opportunity to show her she can trust me and that I love her. One day she's not going to want me to rock her, so yes I'll rock her to sleep. Does this mean that I never let her cry? No-If I have done everything I can to tend to her needs and she's still screaming I would rather her scream in her crib than in my ear. But notice I tend to her needs first.
I think it boils down to this: it's the quiet moments holding and rocking her that make the loud ones, the sleepless ones, and the smelly ones easier to bear. So yes my child is "spoiled" she is loved and cared for and the most important part of our lives. In fact just this morning at the pharmacy another lady told me I was spoiling my child. I told her "yep, she's very loved. thank you"
So here's some new pictures of my spoiled child:
1 comment:
Your "spoiled baby" is adorable and loved. That's all that matters.
I have worked with a lot of those kiddos who aren't lucky enough to have parents who spoil them, and it doesn't work out so well for them. So, good for you for doing what you feel is right. A mom always knows best.
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